


Dummkopfs & Dragons

by Ruaniamh



Category: Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six (Video Games)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Characters play D&D, Humor, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2019-06-23 21:40:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15615612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruaniamh/pseuds/Ruaniamh
Summary: First attempt at a fic.. Jäger convinces Bandit to play d&d.





	Dummkopfs & Dragons

"Yeah.... No..." 

"Come on, Ban. How do you know you don't like it if you won't even try it?" 

Bandit's chest heaved with a heavy sigh as he lazily peered up at Jäger from his phone.

“Because I can’t stand that nerd shit.” he stated with a huff. It had been a quiet few days at Hereford. Most of the other operators had been deployed on missions, leaving only a small handful of people at the base. The relative calmness had been a nice change for awhile, but it did not take long for things to get boring. Very boring…. Especially for Bandit. Thankfully, Rook had come up with a brilliant idea to pass the time without causing havoc.. He hoped.. A game of D&D. 

The engineer rolled his eyes at his boyfriends childish demeanor. Of course he wasn’t going to make this easy. “Blitz is playing.” 

“Blitz would eat a fucking dirty sponge if that croissant asked him to.” 

“First of all, rude.” Jäger gave the older man a little swat to the back of the head, earning a glare that could penetrate steel. “Second, I already filled out a character sheet for you so you don’t have to do any actual work.” Bandit’s face contorted in confusion as he looked at the sheet that had been pushed into his hands. He barely registered any of the words coming out of Jäger’s mouth as he excitedly explained the different numbers and stats. What the actual fuck did any of this mean? AC? Saving throw? Did any of these numbers mean anything? This just looked like school homework. Yeah, absolutely not. He was not getting roped into this. 

 

“No.” 

It was time to bring out the big guns... Jäger crawled into Bandit’s lap and flashed him the biggest sad puppy dog look that he could muster. “Pleaaaaase?” That son of a bitch… He knows Bandit couldn’t resist the puppy dog eyes. A slightly strangled groan escaped his throat. He must remain strong.

“.. Nope….” 

“I'll blow you afterwards?”

Bandit hummed in thought for a moment. “Okay fine, I'll play your stupid nerd game.” He scanned over the sheet again as Jäger beamed at him. “Wait.. Why did you make my intelligence so low?! Also fuck you, I am very charismatic.” 

“Oh yes, you just ooze charm.” Jäger rolled his eyes once again. “They’re your character’s stats, idiot. You're playing a fighter, you don't need those.”

 

Later that evening, the four had gathered in the mess hall. Rook was practically skipping around the table as he set up. Blitz and Jäger were happily exchanging their character’s backstories, and Bandit.. Well.. he was being Bandit. His arms were folded over his chest as he inspected the site being laid out before him. Why the hell did he agree to do this? At least there was beer, so that was a nice little surprise.

“Alright, gents!” A visibly excited Rook chirped as he took his place behind his DM screen. He had been absolutely dying to play but the opportunity never presented itself until now. “We start our adventure in the bustling city of Whiteridge. Citizens have been mysteriously vanishing and the king has summoned you three heros to the pal..” A loud snort coming from none other than Bandit interrupted the young frenchmen. “Fucking gaaaaay!” he chortled, earning a swift kick to the shin from his boyfriend. “Ban, shut up. Rook, please continue.” 

“Thank you, Jäger.” The two German defenders exchanged glares as Rook continued with his introduction. “As I was saying, the king has summoned you three to the palace. You approach the ornate doors to the throne room before you are greeted by several armed guards. What do you do?”

It was Blitz’ turn to speak up, a wide, goofy grin plastered across his face. “Aye! We are here to answer the summons from yer King. Will you let us through?” The gruff voice he was putting on aroused amused chuckles from his lover and Jäger and an irritated sigh from Bandit. The latter currently had his face buried in his hands. God this was so stupid. He swears that if any of the other operators left at base caught him playing this, he would never live it down. He would definitely have to commit murder if that were to happen. In fact, he was already thinking of places to hide the bodies. 

Rook’s smile stretched from ear to ear. He was just thrilled that the others (or, at least two of them..) seemed to be getting into it already. “They lead you inside. You enter an extravagant room. It's lined with fine marble pillars which seem to stretch to the heavens. Near the back of the impressive room, you see a kind looking elderly man on the throne. As he sees you enter, he beckons you closer. ‘Greetings adventurers, I assume you are all wondering why I asked you all here.” Rook continued on, with Jäger and Blitz responding accordingly, already getting into their characters. But Bandit was merely observing up until this point. He sighed yet again. When in Rome….

“Do the guards have spears?” Rook blinked in surprise, but was still pleased that the older German finally seemed to be joining in. “Yeah, they do.”

“Can I take one?” Another surprised blink from Rook. “Sure? Roll a strength check.” Seeing the blank look on Bandit’s face, Jäger leaned in and handed him a D20. He couldn't help but steal a quick peck on the cheek before he settled back into place. “Just roll this.”. Meanwhile, Rook was already rolling his own dice behind his cover. 

Alright, easy enough. A few shakes of his wrist, and a quick flick, the die fell to the table. “20, I take it that’s good?”

“You easily over power the guard nearest to you and take his spear. The other guards immediately ready their weapons.” Rook stated flatly. 

“Whoa whoa whoa!” Blitz held up his hands in mock alarm. “Let’s be civil here fellas..” 

“I’m going to throw the spear at the king.” There was an all too familiar mischievous glint in Bandit’s eyes. This game might not be so bad after all. Their DM sighed as he picked up his dice once again. “Roll for athletics.”

“Bandit, no!” Blitz, speaking out of character, begged. 

“Bandit, yes!” Bandit practically cackled as he threw the colourful die down once again. So much for the true neutral alignment that had been written into his character’s sheet. Jäger really should have known better.

20.

Snorts of laughter erupted Jäger while Rook just pinched the bridge of his nose. He should have known that this would go sideways with this asshole involved. An experienced DM however, is ready to roll with anything no matter what sorts of twists and turns your players throw at you. “Your spear flies through the air, impaling the king to his throne. Everyone roll for initiative.”

Bandit vaguely remembers Jäger explaining initiative and all that bullshit to him earlier, but he couldn't care less, he was actually having fun. “No fuck that, I'm convincing these mother fuckers right now that I'm the new king.” 

More snorts, but this time also from Blitz. Rook just sighed once again. “Fine.. How do you want to do this? What do you say?” 

Bandit clicked his tongue for moment before standing up out of his chair and holding a bottle of beer up for dramatic effect. “Accept me as your ruler and you all be granted a lifetime of free liquor and hookers!” 

“Roll for persuasion then.” Rook picked up his own dice and giving them a quick roll as Bandit did the same. The look on the younger man’s pale face spoke volumes as his pieces clattered to a stop. He decided that his dice must be cursed.. And Bandit’s… Once again, those two magical numbers were practically gleaming as they stopped face up. He let out a loud, triumphant whoop. Hell, with luck like this he should be hitting up a casino rather than wasting time here.

“Okay there is absolutely no way!” Blitz’ exclaimed eyes were wide with disbelief while both he and Jäger howled with laughter, the latter nearly falling out of his seat. 

“You have to be the single luckiest son of a bitch I know.” The engineer gasped between spasms of laughter, having trouble trying to regain control. Even Rook couldn’t hide his amused smile despite having his face buried in his hands. 

“Jesus Christ..” The DM muttered to himself. This was definitely not how he had expected this to go. “The guards all glance at each other for a brief moment before they lower their weapons, dropping to one knee. ‘My liege!’ they chant, recognizing you as the new ruler of Whiteridge.” 

The three Germans were now causing a small cacophony of hoots, and cackles (aided of course, by the drinks they had consumed over the course of the evening). Jäger and Blitz were now bowing to Bandit, as the latter was laying out his new rules for his newly acquired kingdom. Rook just gazed upon the scene in front of him for a moment with a small smile on his face, before rounding them back up to continue. It was going to be an interesting campaign if this trend keeps up. At least everyone is now enjoying themselves and that is all he could ask for.

The group continued to play for a while, growing rowdier as each hour ticked by. And despite his reluctance to play earlier, Bandit had now decided that this game was actually pretty fun.


End file.
